When well-meaning advice does more damage than good

Advice from trusted friends is often a great gift – except when it isn’t.

 Wading through the book of Job this week, I am so struck by contrasts. This book begins as a narrative of the onset and progression of this faithful follower of God’s life-changing losses and agonies. But it soon becomes a volleying of speeches offered by Job’s friends, with his own responses interspersed.

 As Job and his seemingly well-intentioned friends discuss his remarkable suffering, it may be challenging for the reader to pick out the good advice from the bad. Although each of his friends offers some nuggets of truth and wisdom, they also go out of bounds. 

 

 OK, these guys do spend an impressive amount of time listening to Job first, as he airs his woes. But then they launch into their own diatribes:

• They attempt to analyze Job’s situation, even though they lack insight into it.
• They add insult to injury by complaining about other problems besides Job’s (as if he needs additional worries or concerns at this point).
• They blame Job for his troubles.
• They offer pat answers, claiming the faithful will come out alright.
• They question Job’s faith.
• They critique their friend Job, making themselves sound better by comparison.
• They seem to explain away some of his troubles, as if he might be exaggerating his misery.
• They call Job to repent, which is always a good idea before God, but they do not know that Job’s suffering did not result from sin on his part.
• Basically Job’s friends offer him counsel (right or wrong) when what he really needed was comfort.

 (I’m cringing because I realize that I have been both the giver and the recipient of similar well-meaning, but off-target commentaries over the years.)

 In all of this, despite his own agony and his having to endure all of their hot air, Job remains faithful to God. He dares to ask difficult and honest questions, knowing that God is able to take that. And as believers, we know that God will answer Job (and will answer us) in His time.

Spoiler alert: This proves to be true before the end of the book, as God restores Job.

 God is not afraid or threatened by our difficult and honest questions. And there are times when He is the only wise counsel, even when others earnestly are trying to help. Maybe that’s why the Apostle John instructed believers thusly:

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God.” (1 John 4:1a, NKJV)

 We are also limited. We need His wisdom — oh, how we need it — especially in our most difficult times.

 One of my most frequently prayed promises of the Scriptures wasn’t around in Job’s time. But it’s here for us:

 “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." (James 1:5, NIV)

 Bring it, Lord. How we need Your wisdom.

 

Related items:

• Arms up or up in arms?
• Betrayed again … but Jesus knows the feeling
• Dark and difficult emotions don’t negate our faith
• Does mother-grief last forever?
• Fighting for heir time
• My heart hurts because you matter
• Snotty snubs and hot coals

 

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Image/s: Mr. Mel's Neighbors by Evan Harrington, 1860, public domain