When well-meaning advice does more damage than good

Advice from trusted friends is often a great gift – except when it isn’t.

 Wading through the book of Job this week, I am so struck by contrasts. This book begins as a narrative of the onset and progression of this faithful follower of God’s life-changing losses and agonies. But it soon becomes a volleying of speeches offered by Job’s friends, with his own responses interspersed.

 As Job and his seemingly well-intentioned friends discuss his remarkable suffering, it may be challenging for the reader to pick out the good advice from the bad. Although each of his friends offers some nuggets of truth and wisdom, they also go out of bounds. 

 

 OK, these guys do spend an impressive amount of time listening to Job first, as he airs his woes. But then they launch into their own diatribes:

• They attempt to analyze Job’s situation, even though they lack insight into it.
• They add insult to injury by complaining about other problems besides Job’s (as if he needs additional worries or concerns at this point).
• They blame Job for his troubles.
• They offer pat answers, claiming the faithful will come out alright.
• They question Job’s faith.
• They critique their friend Job, making themselves sound better by comparison.
• They seem to explain away some of his troubles, as if he might be exaggerating his misery.
• They call Job to repent, which is always a good idea before God, but they do not know that Job’s suffering did not result from sin on his part.
• Basically Job’s friends offer him counsel (right or wrong) when what he really needed was comfort.

 (I’m cringing because I realize that I have been both the giver and the recipient of similar well-meaning, but off-target commentaries over the years.)

 In all of this, despite his own agony and his having to endure all of their hot air, Job remains faithful to God. He dares to ask difficult and honest questions, knowing that God is able to take that. And as believers, we know that God will answer Job (and will answer us) in His time.

Spoiler alert: This proves to be true before the end of the book, as God restores Job.

 God is not afraid or threatened by our difficult and honest questions. And there are times when He is the only wise counsel, even when others earnestly are trying to help. Maybe that’s why the Apostle John instructed believers thusly:

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God.” (1 John 4:1a, NKJV)

 We are also limited. We need His wisdom — oh, how we need it — especially in our most difficult times.

 One of my most frequently prayed promises of the Scriptures wasn’t around in Job’s time. But it’s here for us:

 “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." (James 1:5, NIV)

 Bring it, Lord. How we need Your wisdom.

 

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• Betrayed again … but Jesus knows the feeling
• Dark and difficult emotions don’t negate our faith
• Does mother-grief last forever?
• Fighting for heir time
• My heart hurts because you matter
• Snotty snubs and hot coals

 

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Image/s: Mr. Mel's Neighbors by Evan Harrington, 1860, public domain

Does God say no to earnest prayers?

 

What a tough question. We pray. God answers. I’d stake my life on it. Maybe you agree. But does that mean God gives us carte blanche when we pray?

 Believers love to say, “Prayer is powerful” and “Prayer works.” I beg to differ. This may sound like semantics, but I’d rather proclaim this:

 “God is powerful” and “God works.”

 The Bible clearly states, again and again, that God answers prayer. Here are a few favorite examples:

 “I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.” (Psalm 40:1, NIV)

 “The Lord is close to all who call on Him, yes, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18. NLT)

 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8, ESV)

 “And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.” (Matthew 21:22, NKJV)

 “And whatever you ask in My Name, this I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.” (John 14:13, NASB)

 “If ye abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.” (John 15:7, KJV)

“This is what I want you to do: Ask the Father for whatever is in keeping with the things I’ve revealed to you. Ask in My Name, according to My will, and He’ll most certainly give it to you. Your joy will be like a river overflowing its banks!” (John 16:23-24, MSG)

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” (Ephesians 3:20, NLT)

 “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” (1 John 5:14, NIV)

 These are wonderful promises from our faithful God, and we take great comfort in them. We find assurance for our faith, and we persist in praying. Even so, can’t we all point to instances in our own lives (and those of our loved ones), when God’s answer was entirely different that what we thought we’d asked Him for?

 Consider these biblical examples of God’s seemingly surprising answers to faithful prayers.

 

The Apostle Paul prayed several times for relief, but God let his suffering last.

 What was the thorn in the flesh that pestered Paul (See 2 Corinthians 12:7-9.)? Bible scholars differ on this. Some have suggested it was a physical ailment, such as vision loss (See Galatians 4:14) or even optic neuritis (perhaps from multiple sclerosis). Additional experts have alleged he might have had epilepsy.

 Others have proposed Paul suffered in another manner. Whatever the cause of the Apostle’s woes, God let his struggle persist for reasons of His own.

 

Lazarus’ sisters begged for his healing, but he actually died.

 When Jesus received a message that his special friend had fallen gravely ill (See John 11.), the Lord did not rush to heal him. Lazarus died. Sisters Mary and Martha questioned Jesus’ devotion for their brother. Then He worked a wondrous miracle, calling Lazarus out of his grave.

 

God did not grant Mary’s heart-wrenching prayers at the foot of her son’s cross.

 Mary stood at Golgotha with Mary Magdalene and John (See John 19:24-26.), watching her son endure a torturous death. Surely she begged the Father to rescue Jesus from this agonizing fate. But God allowed the Savior to complete the work He had taken on flesh to do.

 Had He not, none of us would be here to ponder the complexities of answered prayer at all.

 

The previous evening, God did not sway over His holy Son’s blood-sweating prayer in Gethsemane.

 Jesus wrestled so hard in prayer on the night He was to be arrested and sentenced to die that His sweat fell as drops of blood in the famous garden near Jerusalem (See Matthew 26:36-46 and Luke 22:40-46.). “Not My will, but Yours,” he called to His Father, submitting to the original plan, which led through His suffering to our ultimate redemption.

 

Sometimes a “No” answer from God actually leads to a bigger “Yes.”

 Why do we try to fence God in, prescribing how He ought to respond to our pleas? And why do we try to explain away His answers, when they don’t come in the flavor we’d like? We even try to blame those who struggle and suffer, as if God might treat their prayers differently if they weren’t somehow at fault. It’s heartless and unscriptural to critique others’ faith, based on how God answers their prayers.

 

“Name it and claim it” doesn’t exactly hold water, if God is truly sovereign. And He is.

 Maybe … just maybe … when we place our prayers before the throne of the Lord of Lords, we’d do well to leave them there.

 

Bear with me: I’m preaching to the mirror here, as I often must do.

 Do I earnestly believe He is willing and able to answer in the best way of all?

 Am I trusting Him for all that is to come?

 When I say, “Thy will be done,” do we really mean, “My will be done”?

 Amen means “So be it.” May I learn to let it be so.

 

Related items:

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• God’s best always flies past counterfeits that are merely good
• Maybe worry isn’t all bad
  
• Ouch! Why do we grieve grievers with tacky questions?

 Image/s: From Devotions, Ernst Nowak (1851-1919), public domain photo

Feel free to follow on Twitter. Don’t miss the Heart of a Ready Writer page on Facebook. You are invited to visit my Amazon author page as well.